Monsieur Nic Cage hates Bees

I heard quite a bit about the quality of this movie and I must say, those comments did not do this movie any justice. There's too many great parts.

From Nicolas Cage karate kicking some woman to the wall, him screaming about the pain of bees attacking his face, repeatedly asking about how a mask gets burned or him dressed up like a bear and punching a woman.

I know that sometimes video clips and such are only funny because they have been taken out of its original context, but trust me there can be no backstory to any of these scenes that make them less insanely hilarious.

Godfather- if I could recast it

So there's this contest for American Gangster that asks the participant who they would recast for the Godfather. Obviously, no one can replace the cast in the Godfather, but I came up with a list.

Michael- Benecio Del Toro

Don Vito- really difficult choice but Frank Langella. Or if it's a remake, CG in Marlon Brando

Sonny- Dominic West- his portrayal as Jimmy McNulty is awesome in "The Wire"

Tom- Peter Krause- he's like the All American Guy with a dark side.

Fredo- Javier Bardem

Kay- Zooey Deschanel

Connie- Catherine Zeta Jones

Jack Woltz- Alan Arkin

McClusky- Powers Boothe-such an awesome name, and this dude plays great authority figures that are also really mean corrupt mother fuckers

Johnny Fontaine- Jude Law

Moe Green- Edward norton

Sollozo "the turk"- Cliff Curtis- he played Pablo Escobar in "Blow"

Another 300 Parody, but with America's Founding Fathers

Man sometimes I love Robot Chicken, sometimes I blame it for everything stupid that I done. But this is one of those times where I love Robot Chicken.

Weekend Box office

1		30 Days of Night	$16M	$16M
2		Why Did I Get Married?	$12.1M	$38.9M
3		The Game Plan	$8.12M	$69.2M
4		Michael Clayton	$7.1M	$22M
5		Gone Baby Gone	$6M	$6M
6		The Comebacks	$5.85M	$5.85M
7		We Own the Night	$5.5M	$19.8M
8		The Nightmare Before Christmas	$5.14M	$5.14M
9		Rendition	$4.17M	$4.17M
10		The Heartbreak Kid	$3.9M	$32.1M

This weekend, people were getting pumped(or maybe costume ideas) for Halloween with "30 Days of Night" as it took the number one spot in the box office while taking $16 million from the American movie watching public. Which is probably why "Why Did I Get Married?" get to only number two in the box office. The other new comer, and movie I want to see, "Gone Baby Gone" debuted at number six.
Directed by Ben Affleck and starring his bro Casey Afflect.

"The Comebacks" probably won't comeback to the top ten next week, debuting at number 6 shows that people are finally not giving a shit about retarded spoofs that I definitely know I can write.

Speaking of not giving shit, not many people really gave too much of a shit about spending Friday night or the weekend being lectured about the morality of torture. "Redition" debuted at number nine with $4.17 million. Gosh weird people. What do you spend your weekend doing? having fun! pshh! retards.

And Jack Skeleton proved he's still the hotness and in 3D with "Nightmare Before Christmas" in 3D debuted this weekend about serious ass "Rendition."

Southpark 300 Trailer D-Yikes!

300 Spoofin

Meet the Spartans
src="http://lads.myspace.com/videos/vplayer.swf" flashvars="m=20263260&v=2&type=video" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" height="346" width="430"


Here's the trailer for a 300 spoof that's coming out next year. Why do I say "a 300 spoof?" like this isn't the only one? That's because there's another one coming out too. This one, called "Meet the Spartans," was originally called "Hunting and Fishing(and still is on IMDB)" looks like Spartan shit as you can see from the shitty trailer. Yes that's Method Man as one of the Persians.

There's another one that National Lampoon is making called "The Legend of Awesomest Maximus Wallace Leonidas." That's sort of funny, but not really.

South Park made very funny and clever spoof that was even broadcast a month after 300 was released in theaters. You should definitely check it out here. To get an idea, check out a trailer some person made for youtube. I don't want to say bored person, but you know.

Samuel L Jackson's inspirational speech

This was the best part of Deep Blue Sea. Samuel L Jackson makes an important and inspirational speech to his fellow survivors of the genetically enhanced evil sharks. This speech is probably one of the best inspirational speech scenes in movies because it cleverly furthers the plot and parodies inspirational speeches at the same time. Plus without this scene, one of the funniest lines on the Dave Chappelle skit below wouldn't have existed.

If only they had the original Samuel Adams commercial this is parodying because if you've seen that commercial, this video becomes fucking immortal. I think my testicle exploded after this skit, then rebuilt itself, realized what caused the testicular explosion, then exploded again, and then repaired itself but did not repair it's sense of humor function so it won't blow up again. I know there are subtitles on the bottom, but hey this version had better sound quality than the one without subs. So Bem fresquinha como as P+++s, filhos da p+++s, to me!!!

Judd Apatow now at Funny or Die

Yay!!! Unproductive workers, college students writing essays, high school students writing essays and unemployed folk re-fucking joice! Judd Apatow has now joined Viral Video Vvebsite Funny or Die. This is good news for me. I thought Judd Apatow's Knocked Up was seriously the funniest and one of the best movies this year and while Superbad wasn't as great, it was still the 2nd funniest movie this year. If u go on the right side, click on Judd Apatow's picks. He recommends some funny videos with David Blaine.

Citizen Kane Oscar for up to $1.2 million dollars

Sotheby's will be auctioning the Oscar for Best Screenwriting that Citizen Kane won. The Golden naked Man with the sword will be auctioned from $800,000 to $1.2 million dollars. Have that much and have a Citizen Kane fetish? All you need is 800k to 1.2 million dollars and to mark your calender for December 11th(3 days before you can see 7 minutes of footage from "DARK KNIGHT!!!")

Citizen Kane is considered to be the greatest film ever made and "makes every movie look like Citizen Kane's bitch," quoting every critic(sorta). It's about a millionaire tycoon named Charles Foster Kane and his life is told through flashbacks. Some reporters try to decipher the millionaires last word: Rosebud. This movie has been parodied quite a through Montana Max in Tiny Toons to Mr Burns in the Simpsons.

See 7 minutes of footage from DARK KNIGHT(not online. sorry)

This December 14th, you'll be able to watch 7 minutes of the next Christopher Nolan/Christian Bale Batman movie, "THE DARK KNIGHT" before it comes out July 18th 2008. These glorious 7 minutes will be seen prior to the IMAX version of the Will Smith is the last man on the Earth movie(or is he....) "I Am Legend."

Wow my interest in "I Am Legend" went from I guess I'll check it out to I so am checking it out. Now that's on IMAX, I might want to check it out. "I Am Legend" is about a brilliant scientist(obviously Will Smith) who is the last survivor of a deadly plague that destroys everyone on Earth. As he tries desperately to find any other survivors, he realizes there are blood thirsty mutants infected from the virus roaming the streets.

Man if I were the last man on Earth, I'd just spend my days jacking cars and crashing them into other cars or buildings until I've exhausted every method of crashing cars or I just die from a car crash. But either way, I'm stoked!!! I can't wait to see "Dark Knight," let alone footage of "Dark Knight."

Batman Begins was awesome
The Joker looks crazy
and
Michael Jai White is in it

Enough Said!

Dr. Schwarzenegger explores Brazil

Governor Schwarzenegger in this video partakes in a sociological trek to examine and study the Brazillian culture. Through this intellectual adventure, the Governor, or at time of this video Dr. Schwarzenegger examines what his passion for the female posterior. His thorough examination of this subject includes hands on experience to supplement his visual reconnaissance. Such thorough examination is quite extensive, almost to the point of excess proves Dr. Schwarzenegger's passion for the study of different cultures.



many gratitudes to Break

Justic League of America Auditions

This weekend auditions for Warner Brothers big ass Super hero movie "Justice League of America." The director George Miller, from the man that brought you HAPPY FEET, BABE 2, and of course MAD MAX!) flew in from Australia for a casting session that went from Sunday and still going on today. Move your eyes down to see who was at the audition. You might notice how some of them are young'ns, mainly so the actors can grow into the roles over several other movies. I've posted the pictures in the order of fame. Except for the girl that's to the left of Common because I think she's super fine.





Minka Kelly, Common, Adam Brody, Mary Elizabeth Winstead



Adrianne Palicki, Max Thieriot, Scott Porter, Michael Angarano, D.J. Cotrona


Teresa Palmer, Joseph Cross


Thank you Hollywood reporter for the article

Jet Li and Jackie Chan..together at Last! Yay!?

They just finished shooting footage for the new Jackie Chan/Jet Li collaboration in China. This movie is an orgy of different classic fantasy stories, "Journey to the West," "The Eight Immortals," and the "White Hair Demoness."


Since this is an American production, there has to be one white dude, played by Michael Angarano, who is brought to ancient China and meet three Chinese people, played by Jackie Chan, Jet Li and Liu Yifei. Then they're on a quest to find the Monkey King, played also by Jet Li getting his Eddie Murphy on.

Supposedly, Jet Li and Jackie Chan both say this movie isn't very good. I'll bet that's a marketing scam. He's trying to lower the hell out of our expectations that when we actually see it, we'll end up liking because it "wasn't as bad as I thought. actually i liked it." You can decide when it comes out on April 18th 2008.

I have to say Jackie Chan was pretty bad ass back in the day but damn, now he's the Asian Uncle Tom. He pretty much represents Asians in entertainment, and yet he continues to make them look bad by acting like an ass in movies and interviews. That dude should get injured into retirement. Hopefully the green screen he's standing infront of that magically transports him into imaginary Afghanistan in the year 2056 falls on his foot and smashes it.


Thank you kindly Sina for having pictures that I can jack.

Trailing Jessica Alba's Eye (The Eye remake Trailer)

The Trailer to the remake of the 2002 Hong Kong/Thailand horror movie "The Eye" was released over the weekend. You can check it out at Yahooooooo! The remake, starring very attractive Academy Award winning actress Jessica Alba, hits theaters on February 1st, 2008 is about a blind woman who has an eye transplant. Unfortunately, there is more that means our heroine's lovely eyes in the form of ghosts.

I've seen the original and thought it started out pretty well until near the end, where a plot involving a catastrophe kind of kills it. I have to say this remake does look pretty cool and I am looking forward to see it. It looks like more than a movie someone might see on video because Jessica Alba's in it. "The Eye" also stars Parker Posey, Alessandro Nivola and that Asian Scientist dude in the Dharma Initiative videos on "Lost."

Click for Trailer

Thank you Yahoo movies!

Watch horror movie CATACOMBS! FREE!!

Ever been to the Catacombs in Paris? Neither have I. But it sounds fucking creepy. It's a bunch of tunnels under the city that are of made of well, 7 million people!!! Well there's a movie that takes advantage of that for horror movie purposes. It's called...Catacombs.

It's about this girl's first trip to paris and she hears about this hot party. The party is in those creepy ass Catacombs!!!!! But as the party progresses, scary and fatal things begin to happen!!! Woooooo!!!

It stars Shannyn Sossamon, the the female lead in that Josh Harnett movie 40 Days and 40 Nights and, well purple haired girl who eventually dies a slow death in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.


It was produced by the the company that made the Saw movies, Twisted Pictures, and..you can watch it free starting October 31(why that date? suspcious yes??) at FearNet.

This site FearNet is a pretty nice site, allowing you to watch Horror movies for free online. You should check it out when you're at home alone, it's raining, and all the electricity is dead, except for the full battery in your laptop.


hugs and kisses to the source, Cinematical

Weekend Box Office

1. Why Did I Get Married $21.5 million, New
   
2. The Game Plan $11.5 million, Total $59.4 million for 3 weeks.
3. Michael Clayton $11 million, New
   
4. We Own the Night $11 million, New
   
5. The Heartbreak Kid $7.4 million, Total $26 million for 2 weeks
6. Elizabeth: The Golden Age $6.1 million, New
7. The Kingdom $4.5 million, Total $39.9 million for 3 weeks
   
8. Across the Universe $4 million, Total $12.9 million for 5 weeks
9. Resident Evil 3: Extinction $2.6 million Total $48 million for 4 weeks
   
10. The Seeker $2.1 million, Total $7.1 million for 2 weeks

As you can see, Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married was the number one movie this weekend. Man his movies are on fire. I've never seen any of them but his previous movies have done well, and Mr Perry has a TV show too (House of Payne). This movie does have bad ass actor Michael Jai White. You probably don't know who he is but he's this buff black dude who can move almost like Jet Li. He was SPAWN!!
George Clooney didn't look down and slowly move his chin up(sorry American Dad reference*) to number 1 as most analyst expected. What was called "what you wish those John Grisham movies have been" by Robert Wilonsky. I still want to see this movie because I love George Clooney and I really like the poster. George Clooney is that cool that he can be a A list star, yet barely make box office smashers. I guess he has a lot of love internationally. Altho I still love Mr Clooney(hetero/homosexually)

Another person I love as well(also hetero/homosexually) is the Rock, who's movie was number 2 this week. I'm glad the Rock is gaining popularity as an actor because I've always loved the Rock even a long time ago when there were no iPods, and no WWEs. We only had WWF. And the Rock was the most electrifying man in sports entertainment, spitting awesome quotation mark loving words like "I'm going to take your ass to Know Your Role Blvd and Jabroni drive."

The movie starring Marky Mark and Walking Phoenix(Joaquin Phoenix) We Own The Night owned the number four spot. Actually speaking of ownage, the poster for this movie also owns too. It owns the poster for Michael Clayton actually. Heard this movie was worth watching for an awesome car chase and nice final battle in the end.

Heartbreak Kid, which I heard was unfunnily nasty, has slid down to number 5 and going closer to number not five.

Unfortunately it beat out pretty non-American white people starring royalty period sequel Elizabeth: The Golden Age. The movie starring Cate Blanchett and Clive Owen wasn't able to even reach the Bronze this weekend but only settled for number 6.

The kid friendly, but Rotten Tomatoes nasty Indian Mexican food diarreah dumpee(got a shitastic 16%!) was number 10. Getting ready to get kicked off the top 10.

Not in the top ten but are new comers are The Final Season starring Sam(Sean Astin) from Lord of the Rings ditching his darling frodo for coaching baseball and bringing in $665K on 1,011 screens, Sleuth starring Jude Law and Michael Caine(did u know he has a video teaching acting!) made $50k from 9 screens and Ryan Gosling treating a blowup doll like Rachael McAdams in Lars and the Real Girl made $85K in 7 theaters in 7 venues.

Thank You to the Source Deadline Hollywood Daily, Nikki Finke's blog.

Welcome to Filmistic

Hey everyone! Welcome to my blog about movies. I've finally decided to create this blog at the urging of many friends. Friends who are probably tired of hearing about movies from me. So readers, you are all my new friends!

And just between friends, let me tell you how much trouble I had coming up with a name for this blog. And because you are all my new friends, I will provide you with a list of the rejected names. I had different phases during my brainstorming of names. There's the Toilet Phase, the ACTION HERO PHASE!!!!!1 and the Pervert Phase. Let me start with the Toilet Phase.

Filmstipation

Filmarreah

Cinarreah

Flatufilm

Oh don't you feel dirty after that. How bout some hardcore bad ass mother fuckery!! YEAH!! The next phase is the ACTION HERO PHASE!!!!!1

Kevlar Film
Cinemauto
Film Dagger
Cinematic Steel (I got dibs on that for my future production company)
Films of Steel (dibs)
Iron Film (dibs. DIBS!!!!!)
Film Samurai
Filmanator

How about a little naughtiness. huh? Here's a list of names from my Pervert Phase. You naughty boy/girl you..

Cinemaculation
Cinejaculation
Cinejaculate
Cinebrator
Filmbrator

Cinerection
Premature Cinejaculation
filmsticles
filmic hair
Cinemasexual

Of course in the end, I came up with Filmistic. I figured it was a name that was equal parts classy and timeless, which is the opposite of this site. If you disagree, well fine go start your own movie blog with a much more clever and timeless name. Or just start a blog about how Filmist is a lame name and that you can think of a better name.